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Thursday, October 13, 2011

Strange Old Lady

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day, she was.
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her but she just screams back.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can't read it. She has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my radio and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me!


Anonymous said...

Romaine, I may have said this before but I enjoy your little blogs here, they usually make me laugh!
~ Chris M. Ga.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I know that old lady too. She's at my place sometimes too. She especially like to hide things so I can't find them. Today I got some cheeese out to grate and after opening the package of cheese I opened the cupboard door to find my grater. It wasn't there. I rooted around a bit but no grater. So I decided to quit fussing about it, found a flimsy grater and turned around to grate the cheese. There, sitting beside the cheese was the grater I wanted! The lady must have snuck it there when I had my bag turned!

Mary Horst

Anonymous said...

All I know is that for an old lady she sure gets around...I've seen glimpses of her here in SC!