1. The longest it took me to write a book was 7 years.
2. Pecking away at my typewriter was not always for the pleasure of honing my craft but because I had a deadline hanging over my head. I had to produce regardless of other things that needed to be done.
The rest tells it like it is.
7 Things That Might Surprise You About Growing Up With An Author
1. It’s not glamorous. We are very normal people. If
you meet my mom and exude hero worship because “this is a real, live author!”
[flutter, flutter], I will roll my eyes. Do you know why? Guess who got
to do mundane, real-life things like cooking, laundry and cleaning so mom could
peck away at a typewriter, honing her craft? Who made it possible for her to
write? Yup, yours truly. Know what else? It’s a thankless job. No one thanks
the writer’s assistant aka kid. (Well, ok, I do have a book dedicated to me. That’s
something.)
2. I hated being asked “So is your mom working on
any new books right now?” I [still] hate this question because there is a high
probability that A. she is, B. I know what it is, and C. I’m not allowed to
say. Why can’t I say? Primarily because the general public has no idea how long
it takes to write a book. If mom says she is writing one, people expect to see
it on the shelf in roughly 6 months. Not gonna happen. News flash, folks, it
can take up to 10 years to write a [well-written] book. No one wants to be
pestered while they work. So it’s our family’s policy to not say what the
latest project is until it is almost ready to be sent to the printer. So do me
a favor and don’t ask. Even if you are my BFF, I’m probably not going to tell
you. Seriously, it’s not my news to tell.
*And while we’re on the subject of how long it takes to write a book… you
know those bestselling authors that crank out a book every year? I hate to
break it to you but either they have a ghost writer doing some of their writing
for them, or the quality of their work goes down in direct proportion to their increasing
production. I could start naming names but I won’t. Trust me, it’s just not
humanly possible to manufacture that volume of pages in that short amount of
time. Authors are not robots, and publishers shouldn’t treat their success like
a cash cow.
3. Just because I am the offspring of an author
does not make me genetically predisposed to be an author, too. Thanks for
asking, but I don’t have any plans of writing a novel. Ever. Some of my
siblings & I have been told we inherited mom’s way with words, but frankly,
I’m happier about inheriting my dad’s metabolism.
4. You were subjected to startling announcements at
the dinner table at times. Your totally nonresistant Mennonite mom might randomly
announce “I killed someone today.” True story. A character in the latest
fiction project was no longer relevant to the story, so he gets tragically
killed in an accident. Problem solved. (Bonus points for you if you know which
book this is.)
5. Writing books does not make an author rich. Fact
is, if you tally up the time invested and divide it by the profit that trickles
down to the author, he/she is “working for peanuts”. (Yes, if they self-publish
they keep more of the profit, but then they also have to pay for their own
advertising and marketing. They have cases & cases of books stashed in the
basement they are responsible to either sell or lose money on.) Either way, they
do it because they love working with words, not for the money. So we didn’t
grow up with any luxuries because mom was a writer.
6. I don’t memorize the titles of all my mom’s
books, so don’t ask me to name them off. I’ve read every single one, but I don’t like
to be put on the spot naming them. Just google it. (Refer back to #1)
7. No one ever reads you your Miranda rights, but
anything you say or do can be used against you. Not in a court of law, but in a
story. About that… You know the PKs that cringe about being used for sermon
illustrations? They don’t have anything on AKs! The published word reaches a
much, much wider audience than a single congregation. Just saying.
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